Napo 4/10/24 One Wet Smack

 Today's prompt.

Headline 1: Local Man Offers Water-based Retribution in Resolution of Dispute with Another Man

Hit me when we are underwater together
because you demand satisfaction, but I do not 
want pain.

I'll set the terms plainly:
You may smack my face, but
only if we are both submerged.

You may not use any
swimming aids, or additional
tools of war. Yes, never that.

You are hereby entitled to
one smack anywhere about the face,
chest, arms, or legs.

I will qualify fully submerged requires
us to be in at least 8 feet of water, as
you are quite tall.

You will, of course, remember,
that I sink like an old statue,
so I'll need to cling to you for dear life.

This may present a problem in the physics
and propulsive angles of your strike, preventing
you from "charging up" as it were.

I know this may 
not be to your liking, but these
are the terms. Take them or leave them.

Headline 2: Local Man Savagely Beaten After Presenting Terms of Aqueous Smacking

You have made a mockery of
the Code of Hammurabi
for that you will be punished.

You will be hit
about the face repeatedly,
and kicked in the stomach 3 times.

Each kick will double in severity.
There will be lots of yelling, some of it 
profanity-laced. Mild frothing of the mouth.

Let the authorities sort out
the truly innocent and the guilty,
I am firm in my beliefs.