We, given rise to the feeling of discontent, try a bold, new direction. Robust finery, loads of ribbon and flowing outerwear. Snappy, professional, a sense of control.
We, reacting to said discontent caused by bold, new initiatives, placed a large audio horn into the office. A hard plastic megaphone with pipework, terminating in a horn-like speaker in my office, designed tow help our colleagues speak truth to power, namely me, through this series of tubes as it travels to the management floor above them.
We, and I'm talking about me here, have listened to said sounds and are happy with the decisions I have made for the group. The hand signals have really cleaned up the communication process. The mandatory trust falls in the breakroom have avoided major injury and lacerations, minus the one that happened in the aftermath of the "thrill of falling," though the lawyers tell me that this case will be dismissed in due course.
We, the organization, are a monolithic crab robot that has escaped from the Artic Ocean to seek revenge on those who have interrupted our crab robot reverie. Also the lawmakers who are claiming that this is a monopoly. Also the debt collectors looking to charge early interest on the crab robot's Bluetooth speaker system, which, if we're being honest, isn't as advertised; perhaps we'll take this argument to social media. Also, the people who criticized our new work attire. Also, the delivery man who stole a Boston Cream donut from the breakroom during the "thrill of falling" confusion. Also, our former CEO who absconded with a large settlement for saying that we, and I'm talking about me here again, are a power hungry robber baron with a vengeful streak that borders on the sadistic; in addition to the proof of my elicit dealings with various foreign nationals to get the audio horn at a reliable, read: cheaper, price; and, we admit this with transparency, my now-reformed view on several OSHA requirements.
We have known adversity. We know success. We will know perfection. We, and I am talking about all of us, will board this crab and march into the glory this company is due.
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