Showing posts with label Hell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hell. Show all posts

Saturday, May 31, 2025

commemoration

 tomorrow...Tapes on Fire. Link when it's live. There's a bunch of other ideas in the works. more on that later.

consider it a spot of luck
that hell is below us.
and hell fire isn't raining down 
any time soon. any time. anywhere.

maybe in hell, but as we've already established:
we are at a strategic elevation. the advantage,
critical. let them make it rain all they want.
we're sitting pretty in the regular acid/microplastic
rain we've got topside. they'll have to think of something 
a little different to get us on their level.

in the spirit of fairness, though:

i will tell you our next moves, but it
will be in a coded language. taps, almost like morse code, but instead just one rule: 

3 taps is a 
surrender.

we: don't: ever: surrender.

take that how you will. we'll be transmitting until we receive a response. 
hell isn't other people, it's a deep cavern filled with pitchforks and fire and
ceramic swing sets. i'd be mad too. it might also have paid advertisements
interrupting your thoughts. what could be worse?

what could be worse? 

in another spirit i'll answer my own question:

not: a: damn: thing.

we aren't heaven, but we sure is hell aren't settling for anything less than what we've got.
and if you want what we've got, well

come on up here and make an offer. we're listening.



Friday, April 15, 2022

Golf Clap

There are two types of people:

People who golf and people who don’t.

I am the latter.


People tell me I’d love it.

People are lying to me and themselves.


A hole 300+ yards away.

A metal stick in open fields.

Copious sunshine?

Fine-motor skills?

Multiple hours?

Bird names?



This is a recipe for the “world’s most impressive tantrum.” 

Flipping golf carts

Bending metal into enthusiastic animal shapes.

Clouds of expletives hovering like a mushroom cloud,

Scattering vulgar damage.


I am not precise.

I do not like collared shirts.

I like shade.

I like my adversity not on full display, a spectacle for others around me.

I don’t like pretending to be interested in what other people do.


When I meet my maker

I will ask them:

“Why did you make golf?”


They will reply:

“To show the world that many would prefer Hell to Heaven.”


They will be right.