hope is...

 hope you and yours are well. lots to discuss in the near future. for now, here's this:

i will not allow myself this feeling forever. once before, not again. this time, i am not the scared child of the past. this time, the smaller versions of me are external. they needed the version of me that i needed but couldn’t give myself, wasn’t ready to be. i won’t sink into the worse version of myself that seeps in and burrows in on itself when faced with something this fresh, this angry, clawing, seeking. this is not my rage, it is the beginning of my eyes lighting along the horizon, taking on heat, and letting the feeling and the rays move outward. what will be left in the wake of my vision

these cinders, this kindling spent, this: the world i choose to make my own. nothing has ever been clearer to me, nothing has ever seemed so far away either. i speak in tongues to myself, at night, when not dug too deep into the fear

promise myself something better this time. 

almost forgot

go find yourself

in another nation.

land of time
forgotten. in hindsight

what we all wanted
is rarely

mutual. 

go find yourself

in another nation. 

i can do this for myself
all on my own. this time

starting from a single
whisper, become a

scream.

when you find yourself,

in this other nation,

try to remember me 

for what i might have been

this ailing echo along the canyon.

this birdsong before the buzz saw.

this star blinking in an otherwise dark sky, this long dead light.

i will do this for myself.

all on my own. this time,
for you.

bringer of heck

 free write, I need to feel the pressure of a timeline sometimes...

Little bit of hell
raise this heck entirely
out of the ashes of peace

Little bit of peace
sell me this vision of
that dang future we all dream

Little bit of dream
unrest my slumber-
loosen reality's chokehold

Little bit of chokehold
air on the way up and out
mystical truth telling in gurgles

Let it all come to the surface in bubbles of varying dimensions/it will be given/some will be passed on to the customer/dutiful, loyal servant/i have loved your unwilling embrace-all from a distance/unrequited, of course/even these crooked, frayed shoulders on the jacket of my youth/yes, even those, even they want to know love like there is no tomorrow/feeling/some sort of feeling/and you know it's so good when the needle moves across the record and the sound pours forth/holding court/Let it all be out in the open and let the song tell your people's truth/we've waited with such patience/all along/